When I fall in love, I always jump head over heels. I give all of me with out fear. Falling in love is such a great feeling. Like floating on a pink cloud. The sun seems brighter, the sky is a vibrant blue and every song on the radio sings of love and bliss. The heart is such an amazing organ. It gives us life and breathes to our soul. It makes up who we are and how we care for others. Falling for someone and knowing the feelings are mutual is the reason birds sing. Its our nature to be drawn to another human being and long for them to be ours. After all, its how we are taught life is to be. Growing old with your best friend.
I once was told the loudest sound in the world is a heart breaking. When the heart experiences emotions of the unfavorable aspect - it is crushed. The worlds colors seem plain and all the songs on the radio are that of sorrow and demise. Its crazy how the heart not only can change our pulse but our vision. You can stare at someone that used to mean the world to you and in an instant they look, sound and feel different. The bond that tied you and kept you floating is now gone.
Time, space and sound is now quiet and empty.
Then comes a day you hear the birds sing once again but this time you don't just hear them, you watch their movement and take in the colors of their wings. You start to see. The songs on the radio no longer cause pause regardless of the words being sang. You find yourself dancing to the beat at a red light. You walk through the store and no longer feel jealous of couples laughing and walking hand in hand. You begin to check out shirts in your size from the spring collection. You have a moment where life becomes about you and no longer about the goal of finding your soul mate.
Today, was that day for me. It was all different. It wasn't a constant thought on who I want to be or who I wish I was with. It was a day of just being me. Just doing the daily tasks required from an adult world and laughter in between. It was catching up with friends and sharing my latest stories.
I never thought I would be a person who was content walking through life alone. It always caused me fear thinking I would never find Mr. right but today was very different. Today, regardless of all the drama and years of attachment... there was silence in my heart. It was beating as it should for the purpose of keeping me alive.
As I continue down this path called life... I will remember my heart and how it feels to love and be loved. I will also remember todays silence and how it felt fine. I will continue to work on being a better me for me. I will take in the sun, the sky and the birds each day. Just to keep reminding myself that I am really ok.
I am Crystal Rae... perfectly imperfect, overly emotional, hot mess, stubborn and now you can add patient to the list. I have a heart of gold and for that I will always be blessed. Its just now time to let my brain do the driving at let the emotions of my heart rest.
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