It's been awhile since I've posted here... 3 years to be exact!
I'm amazed as I read through my previous posts how much has changed and yet how much hasn't!
We all have wants and desires.. To be successful, a good parent, a good spouse... A good person!
What I have learned these past 3 years is that life is too short to be unhappy and yet most are drawn to drama and negativity. Life is hard, there's no arguing that.. But in our hardest moments we find ourselves! By now you know I'm Crystal Rae.. Perfectly imperfect, overly emotional, hot mess... Me! What you may not know is I always put my heart on the line. I do for others as I long to be done for me. When my bucket is empty and I find only a few to help me fill it back up... I feel worthless.
Strange to say as most find me confident and strong.... Turns out in the dark of night.. Not so much!
I am amazing and I do have more strange incidents in my life than most but that's okay! Each moment brings me closer to understanding me! The real me, that is! The one who builds so many walls to let the world believe she's okay! Turns out I'm not okay.. Not okay! I'm rasing my kids alone and living paycheck to paycheck! I don't feel secure in my life and I'm constantly worrying about what's next! Turns out I'm human and living the same life as 80% of Americans! I want happily ever after... The hallmark card relationship! Problem is most at my age have scars and arent willing to unpack with fears of being hurt again! I get it I guess but I'm always so willing to do for others that I also don't understand trust issues or jealousy. So as a woman closer to her 40's than she'll ever admit... What advice do I have tonight??? Love with all your heart... Sing in the shower and of course, dance like no ones watching! Embrace your soul and love your body! Life is simple... It truly is! It's in my moments of fear and darkness that I realize how special I am! I'm one who is known for her honesty and expressing exactly how I feel! I should never feel bad for that!
I find if you focus on all the wrongs in life - you will never truly be happy!
As I write all of this.. I know I'm far from "I got this" but I also know I will always put my heart and soul in all I do! I will never give up and I will always have Disney dreams!
Maybe... Just maybe, my day will finally come! I will feel secure and well with who I am and what I want from life! I won't stop and seek approval or even care what others think!
Maybe... Just maybe, this life of chaos will all make sense and I will continue to laugh the entire way!
Maybe.. Just maybe.. I'll meet the man of my dreams and we will have that life I dream of!
Or maybe, just maybe... It will be okay with or without!!!
I'm Crystal Rae .. And maybe regardless of all it will be okay and maybe... Just maybe... It was never destined to go my way!
I've got to let go and truly have faith!
And then maybe, just maybe... what's meant to be will fall into place!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment