I have always been told when one door closes another one opens. I think there were moments in my life when I found this to be true. Today I experience a door closing.... I have seen the next door open but I believe somethings aren't meant to happen one after another. It takes time for us to have the strength to not only see the door but feel the need to open it. We all have dreams, we have doubt... we have strength and with that comes weakness. I have found in my weakness is when I find my true self. When I see the things I don't want to understand about myself. Someone recently told me "Crystal you are too hard on yourself. You don't see what you have accomplished in life, but what you have failed" I find myself amazed to hear this as its exactly true. I have given so much, given up even more, and yet find those considered my friends are the first to push me down. I don't ask for alot and I know simple Crystal Rae is far more complex than I would like to world to see. You have learned I am overly emotional, perfectly imperfect... I get this now! I get this with a smile! I have been hurt by those around me, just as I have hurt those around me in return. Perspective is an amazing thing - always two sides to a story. I smile not in knowing I have hurt others, but in knowing on this journey called my life that each step has brought me closer to me. I am known for my strength and confidence... those that know me best, know otherwise.
I don't write tonight seeking attention or words of praise. I write tonight knowing life is a journey and I have closed yet another chapter. I have a heart of gold - a heart that has been beat down time and time again. Each time I am able to stand up... to keep moving forward! I finally realize my heart is not for rent. Its not a space you get to occupy with a down payment. My heart is best suited for those that want to stay. Want a piece that lasts forever regardless of the path of life or the differences that may come. You can love someone in a moment and know it will last a lifetime. This goes for family, friends, children, pets, etc... love has no boundaries! What I have learned today and feel more than ever is that life can change in a moment. I have seen this over and over again. Although we may not always understand the meaning, we know whats is in our heart! It takes great strength to put our heart out there and listen and follow - it takes even greater strength to let our mind take the lead when we know our heart is loving for all the wrong reasons.
I am proud to call me Crystal Rae - even in my darkest moments, I am proud of the way I care - the way I see life. My glass may not always be half full.... but my heart is! I have a heart of gold - something not many can say. I believe in happily ever after and know I will find it someday! In the meantime I will dance and embrace life with all my flaws... for I am Crystal Rae and my heart is no longer for rent!
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