Say My Name

I woke today from an emotional dream, one of those that linger for hours. My first instinct was to clean, to start fresh. I like to process my thoughts, sometimes to the extreme. In my moment of thinking - my thoughts focused on who I am - what do I mean. I have recently played the role of ex wife, then there is the aspect of being a single mom with 3 kids and a full time job, daughter, granddaughter, niece, friend... the list goes on! I live by so many names but the one I was given is Crystal Rae.... what does this name mean to me? Who am I truly? I get so caught up in the day to day moments and what society thinks I should be I have forgotten about Crystal Rae. Blue eyes, brown hair, and a smile that lights a room. I by nature am simple... simple rocks - no real pressure there! Funny how it has taken me so many years to stop and focus on me. The puzzle is less complicated when you only have one piece to focus on. I know that life is far more complicated than just one piece to the puzzle, but if you start one piece at a time all seems less overwhelming.

Today I am against society... I grew up being too short, then too tall, too skinny, too fat, and on and on I can go.  What I have begun to understand today is that I am me and I have to pull all other elements aside. I have tried my whole life to fit into what "society" wants... what do I want? I am starting to blog to share my thoughts and my adventure. I am me, blue eyes, brown hair - Crystal Rae. I was told divorce was wrong. I was told raising 3 kids on my own meant the odds of them dropping out of school or having less of a chance was more in favor. I write today with an energy I haven't felt in years. Why? Because I choose not follow the rules of society. I choose to be 12 and dance and sing with my kids. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I choose to live and let myself be a person. I have lived up and let down so many titles so many words but as of today I am sharing my words, my thoughts. I am Crystal Rae, I am simple, and I am living a life most disregarded, most frowned upon. I don't have to be okay every day - but today I am. It's all about sunsets and sunrises.

Tomorrow I may fail or I may succeed, who knows? What I do know is you can say my name, and say it loud.... all that matters is how I feel and what I am doing each day to make myself feel proud!!